A tale of many Anime
by Franklin J Stein
Summary: My attempt at a fanfic, followed by me ranting about various things.... Very amusing, to me at least...


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Authors notes.  
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This story is actually two stories with too many crossovers to mention. The first one is mildly serious, with only one anime really bashed in it. So sailor moon fans, avoid this story. If you like DBZ or Pokemon, or Gundam wing, Avoid the second one....  
  
Also It must be known that I am utterly insane. So please excuse the fact that these stories are insane. Also keep in mind that I do most of my writing after midnight, and while chatting to three thousand people.  
  
I want everyone to know that I actively Despise the following things, and the story will reflect it...DBZ, Pokemon, Sailor moon..... and on the pokemon note, I HATE pikachu...with a passion... I'd love to see the little rat bastard blown into a million pieces...... wait a minute that gives me an idea......  
  
End authors notes  
  
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We open on a small screen  
  
An African American male, and a poorly clothed female butt up back to back, both are dressed as Cowboys.  
  
Man:"Howdy Amigos. How are all 300,000 bounty hunters in the Sol solar system doing?"  
  
Woman:"It's Time for Big Shot the show all about Fugitives"  
  
Man: "Well, first up today is a very dangerous man...."  
  
A picture of a Vash the Stampede is flashed on the screen.  
  
Man: "Vash the Stampede. He's known as the Humanoid Typhoon. He is wanted for the total annihilation of July City."  
  
Woman:"The best part is, he's worth an amazing $$60,000,000,000!!!"  
  
Man: "This particular bounty is a special one, he is wanted dead or alive... and there is a whopping $$60,000,000,000 bounty on him..."  
  
Woman: " Wow! This time you don't even need to bring him in alive!"  
  
Man: "So go out there and get him."  
  
The screen goes black. Ein walks up to Spike, wagging his tail. Spike scratches the little Welsh Corgi behind the ears, as he shouts to Jet.  
  
Spike: " Hey Jet.... What do you think about going after a $$60,000,000,000 man?"  
  
Jet: " Sounds Good.... When do we leave?"  
  
Spike: " Now. This bounty is as good as ours."  
  
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Interlude: A distant planet  
  
Sitting in a small bar, a lone man sits eating pancakes. Stuffing four in his mouth at once, the man smiles, not caring that he is getting crumbs all over his red trenchcoat. No, the spiky haired blonde eats with a singlemindedness. He doesn't even notice the pretty girl with the tight black clothing staring at him, seeing that he is uninterested, she throws on her jacket, and exits, heading for the dunes in the distant desert. Oblivious to the departure, the tall man orders another short stack. Light glints off his yellow glasses as he brings his head up at the mention of the name Vash the Stampede.  
  
Town Man: "I hear tell that this Vash a giant. With big gnashing teeth, and horrible body odor,"  
  
The lone man cringes at this description.  
  
Town man:" and he has a ragged mop of grungy yellow hair... and he eats children for breakfast!"  
  
The lone man can't take it anymore.  
  
Vash: "Actually he is tall, that is true. And terribly handsome... A warrior for love and peace. Not to mention his wonderful fashion sense"   
  
Town man:" You're him! You're Vash the Stampede!!! Get him boys!"  
  
Amidst a hail of gunfire, Vash runs out into the desert, still carrying the fork with the pancakes on it.  
  
Vash: "Why are they always shooting at me???"  
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Main Story: Aboard the Bebop  
  
Jet: "Target has been spotted. His last known whereabouts are marked on the map. Ready Spike?"  
  
Spike: "As usual!"  
  
Jet releases the magnetic hold, and Spike's craft is let loose to float in the infinite blackness. Spike powers up his small red ship, and rockets towards the planets surface, with a trajectory to take him straight to Vash's last known whereabouts.  
  
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Interlude: Vash  
  
Hiding among the dunes, Vash finally finishes his pancakes.  
  
Vash: "Ohh.... All that running made me hungry....." He listens as his stomach rumbles. "I wish I had some donuts..." ( being the kind author I am, A Krispy Creme Donut shop opens nearby)  
  
Vash: "Wow, I should wish more often" He runs to the donut store, and walks out moments later with a dozen donuts, which is quickly reduced to no donuts at all, and so he re-enters, more donuts on his mind.  
  
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Back to Spike  
  
As he approaches the planets surface, Spike is immediately drawn to the sudden appearence of a Krispy Kreme Donut store in the middle of a barren wasteland, especially one so far away from Earth, naturally he goes to investigate.  
  
Landing just outside of the store, Spike watches as a tall man in a red trenchcoat exits, carrying two dozen donuts, smiling as he stuffs them in his mouth.  
  
Vash (with his mouth full): "Hello."  
  
Spike: " Have you seen Vash the Stampede?"  
  
Vash (swallows abruptly) : "Um... Are you a bounty hunter?"  
  
Spike: "Yes actually...why?"  
  
Vash: (nervously) "Because Vash is right over there!"  
  
Spike turns to where Vash pointed, and sees a young man dressed in a red chinese style shirt, standing by a pond. Spike sneaks up on the unsuspecting man, weaving his way through the dunes with stealth, as only a martial artist could. As he makes his way behind the man he jumps out and shouts.  
  
Spike: "Vash the Stampede you are coming with me"  
  
The young man jumps up , and falls in the pond. But he never comes outfrom the pond. Instead a beautiful red head, also wearing a red chinese shirt breaks the surface. Spike notices that her shirt is a little...tight in places, and grins.  
  
Spike: "Who are you?"  
  
Young man: "I'm Ranma Saotome....Sorry about this..."  
  
A young girl walks up. She is wearing a karate uniform, and is obviously not happy. She grabs the redhead's pigtail roughly, and starts to drag her away.  
  
Girl: "Dammit Ranma! How many times do I have to tell you, stop going into other peoples Stories. Let me guess you have ANOTHER fiance in this story?"  
  
Ranma: "Sorry Akane... Just leggo..."  
  
Akane: (points at Vash) "No.... By the way, Spike... That's Vash over there.... don't bother with this pervert."   
  
Spike: "Thanks"  
  
As Ranma is dragged off by the severly PO'ed Akane, Spike starts dashing towards the aforementioned Krispy Kreme. Vash seeing that he has been caught, again , makes a break for it.Running as fast as he can, he gets a small lead on Spike. Spike, not one to be beat,and not wanting to lose the $$60,000,000,000 bounty, jumps in his personal craft, and chases after Vash, who is quickly outran by the craft. Spike lands the craft in front of Vash, promptly cutting off his escape route. Vash stops dead in his tracks, as Spike deftly leaps from the ships cockpit.  
  
Spike: "Vash the Stampede, you are coming with me."  
  
Vash: "Leave me alone.. I didn't do anyting."  
  
Spike: "I don't care. You're worth a shitload of money, and I'm collecting"  
  
Vash pulls out his custom silver gun, and shoots a hole in Spike's shoe, barely missing the big toe.  
  
Spike: "Hey! These shoes were new."  
  
With that Spike assaults Vash, with a flurry of kicks and punches that are almost too fast to see , each and every one missing Vash, who dodges with a singular expertise. The whole time that Vash is being attacked, he still holds on to the two donut boxes tenaciously , every once in a while taking one and eating. Spike, amazed that he has yet to hit Vash, and angered by his arrogance, tries one final roundhouse kick, Vash backs up, but not fast enough, the donuts are hit.....  
  
-----Slow Motion-----  
  
As the donuts fly into the air, Vash's eyes go wide. The boxes fly up and burst open, releasing their sweet contents. Spike, seeing that Vash is distracted, hits him in the stomach with a front snap kick, and then an elbow to the back of his neck, after Vash doubles over. Vash falls to the ground, as a hail of donuts falls around him, ending with a jelly donut explosion on the back of his head.  
  
-----Normal speed-----  
  
Spike drags the inert form of Vash back to his personal ship, and tosses him into the back. Thinking the whole time of all he is going to do with the money he will get from this capture. Jumping in himself he prepares to close the cockpit, when he sees a girl in a sailor outfit walking towards the ship. Two long yellow pig tails flapping in the wind, and what appears to be two yellow meatballs stuck in her hair as well.  
  
Girl: "You wasted a lot of donuts, and that's not nice. In the name of the moon I shall...."  
  
During the pointless speach Spike charges up his ships elctro-cannon, and fires right at the annoying girl known only as Sailor Moon. She promptly explodes into a thousand pieces, showering the dessert with little Sailor chunks.  
  
Spike: "Wahoo! The bitch is dead. I hated her so much.... and now she's dead! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA "  
  
As the Salor chunks continue to fall, Spike closes the cockpit, lifts off, and jets away back to the Bebop. Ready to turn Vash in to the proper authorities.   
  
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Interlude- Back on the planet  
  
We look to see a trash can, slowly walking away, and heading towards the Krispy Kreme store. Eventually the lid opens and a spiky yellow haired head pops out. Cautiously he looks around, and noticing that the ship is gone, he jumps out and runs into the store smiling.   
  
Vash: "I'll have a Dozen Jelly, and a Dozen Glazed........."  
  
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Back on the Bebop  
  
Spike arrives on the Bebop, and opens up the cockpit. As he is getting out, he looks back to stare at his $$60,000,000,000 prize, only to find out that....  
  
Spike: He's GOOOOONNNNNEEE!!!! DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT"  
  
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Story part two----No apparent purpose!!!  
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Interlude (Mildly annoyed authors ranting block)  
  
The year is After Colony 197. The 5 Gundam pilots have yet again been rejected by the people of earth and the colonies. Rejected and tired of being used, they leave both the Earth and the Colonies, and head towards a new planet, one that might appreciate them. Light years away they come across a small planet, that looks peaceful, and may be a great place to retire and live a peaceful life. They touch down on the planet, and exit their respective gundams.  
  
Heero: "This looks like a nice planet"  
  
Quatre: "Yes Heero. I feel at peace here. Like I no longer have to fight."  
  
Duo: "I don't care what you guys say. The God of Destruction is ready to fight.  
  
Little Yellow Rat thing : "Pika Pika."  
  
Wu-fei : "That's right, ugly yellow rat......."  
  
Heero: "Shit, POKEMON!!!!"  
  
Pikachu: "Chu.....?"  
  
The gundam pilots scramble into their respective gundams. As quickly as possible they release their entire arsenal into the annoying yellow speck, promptly reducing it to the point where even the individual atoms of it would be unrecognizable. Shoting in triumph, they begin to let down their guard, only to see the ground suddenly come alive with yellow specks. Out of no where flys in a party of yellow spiky haired freaks. Landing among the mass of yellow rats, the begin blasting away with various energy discharges. One of them shouts out  
  
Freak with Sword: "Goku We're surrounded!!!!"  
  
Pikachu: "Pika!"  
  
Goku: " Don't worry Trunks, we defeated cell, these little rats can't be too much of a hassle!"  
  
They procceed to stare at the yellow rats for hours on end, never actually making a move, just staring, and staring, and staring.........and of this staring they make an entire season of DBZ, a season called the Staring Saga, it breaks records for viewership, and is raved as the best season ever.  
  
"The action was intense, I couldn't leave my seat" Says Film Critic Dave Manning  
  
(Note I was consequently sued for using this fake critic in my story... sorry)  
  
----- Back to the Story-----  
  
Dumbass Yellow haired freak wih them: " Dammit Kakkarot! Let me take care of them, I am obviosly more powerful...."  
  
His bitching goes on for hours. All others fall asleep, including the yellow rat bastards. Finally he decides to "charge up" and wake them up.... that too takes hours. However it does succeed in waking the gundam pilots.  
  
Heero: "Dammit! There is too many of them. We're out of ammo....there's only one thing left to do! Begin self destruct sequence!"  
  
All: "Right!"  
  
Suddenly the five gundams begin to glow, and then they explode, reducing the area to rubble and taking the yellow rat-bitches with them.  
  
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Further Ranting- A mile outside of the blast radius  
  
Ash Ketchum looked at Misty.  
  
Ash: "Did you hear....."  
  
He never finishes, because as he starts Wing 0's head falls on top of him, crushing him, and misty, as Pikachu guts, and the remains of the DBZ characters, rain around them.  
  
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The Moral of this story? There is none... Except that Pokemon Sucks. Yes that will be the moral... Pokemon SUCKS!!!!   
  
The End. 


End file.
